Flirting Tips – Use the Language of Touch to Build Intimacy

Flirting using the language of touch is subtle and powerful. Used correctly it can convey attraction, support, intimacy, agreement, affection or a whole host of other meanings. Get it wrong and you can ruin your chances forever.

Creative Dating: Ideas and Advice to help you win the partner you deserve. Photo: E.A. Colette

Be careful when using touch: women are generally less comfortable about touch, and some guys tend to misread friendly signals as a sexual invitation. Here’s a method for using touch while flirting to gradually build attraction and intimacy with someone. Repeat each step twice to be sure that you have a positive response before proceeding to the next level: this is a bit like saying “are you sure?” in body language. In the first case keep the contact light and brief – more of a question than a demand. The second attempt can be a little longer. Remember to leave a reasonable interval between each.

• A light, brief touch on the arm is the safest and most likely to provide a positive response and build their feelings towards you. A negative reaction probably means mistrust or dislike, unless they are exceptionally shy. A touch on the arm is likely to be more effective than pat on the back, which may be seen as patronising, although it is similarly non-sexual.
  • While flirting, watch for positive responses indicating an increase in intimacy such as moving closer, increasing verbal intimacy (such as disclosure of personal information) or increased eye contact.
• The next stage is a hand touch. This is much more personal than an arm touch (unless it’s just shaking hands). A negative response here might not mean that they are disinterested: it may simply be that your escalation of intimacy is a little premature.
• Once you are both comfortable with hand touch, the next step is a hand hold (in the first instance a brief squeeze).
• From here you could progress to an arm over the shoulders…
• …or maybe a knee touch (not too high up though)!

Remember: don’t rush flirting, but keep progressing steadily. Repeat each step at least twice to ensure you’re reading the signs correctly before moving on.