Motivation: Why We Do What We Do

If you want to build a relationship it useful to understand your partner: what motivates them? Why do they do things? When you understand the reasons behind why they want what they do, you’ll be better able to provide!

Motivation Towards or Away

Have a think about the following questions: which of the two options best describes you?

• Do you get up in the morning because it would cause problems if you don’t, or because you look forward to the day ahead?
• Do you find it difficult to decide what you want, or do you always know what you want to achieve?
• Are you always aware of the pitfalls and risks of doing something, or do you find it difficult to know what to avoid?

People who favour the first option in each case are “away from” people, whose prime motivation is to avoid problems, risk or unpleasantness. Those who favour the second option are “towards” people who tend to be driven to achieve goals and to meet new challenges. “Towards” people often come across as confident, especially to “away from” people.

Procedures or Options?

Next have a think about these questions:

• Do you prefer to do the things you have to do, or to explore opportunities and possibilities?
• Do you tend to take things as they come, or look for other options?
• Do you prefer to follow a plan of action, or do you like to try new procedures and methods?

If you tend towards the first choice in each case you are more of a “procedural” person: you’ll be good at getting things done – all you need is a procedure to follow! “Procedural” people tend not to get distracted by alternative ways of doing things and so often appear confident to “options” people. “Options” people on the other hand are happy to try new ways of doing things and so find novel or unusual situations less stressful.